Marilyn Brant Week, Day 1: The Bon Jovi Story

September 22, 2009 at 9:18 am (Authors, Events)


Hear ye, hear ye! To celebrate the opening of Marilyn Brant week, we offer you something most amazing. So gather round, ye friends of Marilyn’s, and come hear the tale that she’s been yearning to hear, the true story of how her friend Pam got to sit front row at a Bon Jovi concert. It all began like this…


nce upon a time, in a village far, far away and a time not so long ago, there was a fair maid named Pamela. The fair maid was a fan of the troubadours Bon Jovi. This caused some minor consternations from the fair maid’s lawful mate, as he was not so much devoted, but he knew well before he had handfasted with the fair maid that she had a measure of big-hair headbanger in her blood, so peace was known in the land.

It came to be that the troubadours were to be traveling the land to sing their newest tunes, and offer for trade garments with images of the troubadours on the front, with the days of the calendar and towns the troubadours had visited on the back. Fair maid Pamela knew such a visit would be as a dream, and contented herself to sing loudly of the troubadours songs while driving her cart to market.

But lo! What news is this? The local town criers who announced the morning events had passes to the troubadour’s event, and they would give them to the deserving person who could answer their question when posed seven days hence. Our fair maid listened intently to the town criers the next of Monedæi, Tiwesday, Wednesdei, and Dunresdæg and paid most particular attention to the special words the town criers offered, writing them down on a precious scrap of birch bark. When Frigedæg came, fair maid Pamela ruthlessly beat out all of the other townsfolk to repeat back the special words to the town criers (Bounce, Tico, Runaway, and Dorothea) and was awarded the privelage of listening to the troubadours from the very front row.  Our fair maid was so excited she ran in to tell her mate, screaming so loudly and shrilly that the fair maid’s lawful mate thought she was either in physical distress or some loathesome knave had stormed into their cottage and threatened to steal their goats.

Come the day the troubadours visited, much excitement was felt by fair maid Pamela. Even the fair maid’s lawful mate was feeling the joy of the day, as he had been catching some the spirit of the day, as well as swept along in our fair maid’s fervor. Fair maid Pamela and her lawful mate traveled to the local town square, a place large enough to hold those who enjoyed the troubadours music and mingled with other townsfolk out to listen to the troubadours. Our fair maid’s lawful mate traded several chickens for a garmet with the troubadours’ image on it and offered it to his lady as a token of his love, and she was very touched by the gift. Thusly coiffed, our fair maid and her lawful mate received their crimson cuffs indiciating them able to be seated on the wooden benches nearest the troubadours and they settled in to listen to Goo Goo Dolls, guests of the troubadours, performing charming songs to please the crowd.

But lo! What trouble is this? Before the troubadours could appear, a large-boned village wench who had received the bench behind our fair maid and her lawful mate became vexed. She was most upset that her view of the troubadours’ tight-trousered lead songster might be blocked by the unusual height of our fair maid’s lawful mate. The wench, a large and formadable foe herself, offered veiled consequences to our fair maid’s lawful mate should he place himself between herself and the tight-trousered songster. To keep peace in the village, and knowing his fair maid was rightly and properly situated at her place at the fence between the benches and the troubadours, our fair maid’s lawful mate was content to keep seated at the bench during the songs of the troubadours. He did, however, keep a close eye on the wench, fearing she might possibly garrote him with her apron tie and crawl over his twitching body to offer herself to the tight-trousered troubadour. He was most concerned that this would be his fate during the special version of the song of the troubadours so named ‘Just Older’ and the wench behind him suddenly cried out in an emotional and overwrought tone,  “And I’m pretty, too!”

During the last several songs of the troubadours, our fair maid and her lawful mate decided that they would risk the freakishly large wench’s wrath and decided to stand together at the fence, singing and dancing along with the troubadours and their merry songs. A fine time was had by all and the fair maid and her lawful mate went on to live happily ever after.

JBJ(Picture of the troubadours as sketched by the fair maid from where she was sitting. Yes, she was that close to the tight-trousered songster.)


  1. Marilyn Brant said,

    Needless to say, the Chicago maiden reading this post is most envious of such an experience, but she is ever grateful to have it *finally* shared…as this maid has waited *an almost unpardonably long time* for the revelation of the troubador story and the resulting picture of the tight-trousered songster.

    Definitely worth the wait, however. Thank you. 🙂

  2. Pamela Cayne said,

    Marilyn–anything for you! And since you had a similar experience with Janet Evanovich and cheesecake, I’d say the envy goes both ways! 😀

  3. coffeegirl88 said,

    Does one get kicked out of the blessed kingdom for admitting one is more excited by the opening troubadors than the main troubadors? Not that the main troubadors aren’t wonderful and shiny and hold many school memories for this fair maiden, but . . . . THE GOO GOO DOLLS ROCK!

    Okay, I’ve vented my local(ish) pride. Cool story and thanks for sharing. My teenage heart is very jealous.

    Oh and one question, “bounce” meant what? I get the other 3, but that one I’m just lost.

  4. Montana (curtbooks) said,

    For the record, people often try to steal our goats. And the woman sitting behind us was insane.

  5. Marilyn Brant said,

    Pam, I’ll admit to having had a few slices of cheesecake that day, yes… 😉

    Montana–LOL! Do you know where your goats are now?

    Coffeegirl–there may be more to the explanation, but Bon Jovi had a CD called “Bounce” (it was not a top seller). And, btw, I LOVE the Goo Goo Dolls, too!! Saw them in concert with my brother a year or so ago, and it was a fantastic show!! That Pam and Montana got to see both groups together–in the front row!–is a truly beautiful thing, IMO.

  6. Pamela Cayne said,

    Coffee–no worries, we’re a friendly kingdom here. If you have a hankering for the Goo Goo Dolls, then rock on. And yes, Bounce was the name of their album/disc they were touring for. The other three were Tico–name of their drummer, Runaway–name of their first hit when Jon could really belt castrati, and Dorothea–name of Jon’s high school sweetheart and wife.

  7. Pamela Cayne said,

    Montana–I’ll just stay away from the goat jokes. Today is Marilyn’s day. I’m just glad you’re still with me, especially considering that woman really would have killed you had you stood up any earlier.

    Marilyn–I remember GGD did a beautiful song called Sympathy and I just fell in love with it. (I’m a sucker for almost anything with a mandolin–especially handsome goat herders…) 😉

  8. Robin said,

    Wow! You were close! How very cool! And this tale? Totally rocked – thanks for sharing it in such a splendid way. BTW a couple of years ago at one of my son’s basketball games Richie Sambora sat a few seats away from me. That’s my Bon Jovi story 🙂

  9. Pamela Cayne said,

    Robin–it’s like the 6 Degrees of Kevin Bacon, but with Bon Jovi! No wonder we’re such good friends. 🙂

  10. Ann Victor said,

    To defend my close-up view of that tight-trousered troubadour I would possibly be tempted to use my apron strings as a garotte as well…

  11. Pamela Cayne said,

    Ann–welcome, welcome!!! And, as you can so obviously tell, any friend of Mr. Bon Jovi is a friend of mine! Just give me a little whisper next time and I’ll switch seats with Montana so your view is unimpeded! 😉

  12. Pamala Knight said,

    Bringing up the rear here on Opening Day at Marilyn Brant Fest. Thanks for the recounting of an incredible and moving tale. The maidens worldwide are probably sighing in unison, not only at the main troubadours awesome hair but at the opening troubadours raspy, whiskey-twinged but dulcet toned vocals.

    And just reading the comments has been a joyous experience so I’m sure that the concert would have been a blast.


  13. Pamela Cayne said,

    Pamala–welcome! Sounds like you’re a fan of the troubadours yourself. (And bonus points for mentioning their awesome hair!) 😀

  14. L.A. Mitchell said,

    Pam, this was beyond awesome. I know how the fair-maiden feels about those long-haired troubradors, as it is the same for me 🙂

  15. Pamela Cayne said,

    L.A.–I’m so glad I was able to soothe another fair maiden with my tale of the long-haired troubadours. 🙂

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